Rowan's Round of Days

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> Fairgrove Conjureworks
> profile
> previous 20 entries

Sunday, November 30th, 2014
9:18 pm - Thanksgiving weekend
Russell and I had an amazing Thanksgiving weekend in the City. We didn't have a traditional Thanksgiving feast. I spent the day playing WoW with Song and Russell went to see Interstellar. Then I made nikomaki for dinner (think sliced beef wrapped around green onion stalks under the broiler). It was yummy. I'm kinda missing the whole turkey thing though.

it got longCollapse )

current mood: happy

(2 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, October 14th, 2014
4:26 pm - Pride - the movie
Yesterday morning I was re-watching a documentary called "Soundtrack for a Revolution" from 2001 that showed on American Experience on PBS. It showcases songs and events from the civil rights movement with interviews and performances and period footage. Some of the songs were re-written union songs which got me listening to old Pete Seeger, Utah Phillips, etc, albums finding the originals and then googling to try and find the civil rights words (sadly without success).

But it was great prelude to going to see the film, Pride, with Russell last night. Pride tells the story of a gay and lesbian group in 1984 London who start to raise money for the striking miners that Margaret Thatcher is trying to break (sadly she succeeded). They make particular connection with the Union folks a Welsh mining town. It was a great story and had a lot of great actors. When I got home I googled for more about the story. I found a story in People about the real folks behind the story. I really recommend this movie very highly.

current mood: inspired

(2 comments | comment on this)

Friday, July 18th, 2014
12:31 pm - Full Moon expedition last weekend
I really meant to write up the concert I attended last weekend. Most of Owl Moon decided that for full moon instead of circling we'd head off to a Sharon Knight & Winter with S.J. Tucker concert at Air and Fire in Boulder Creek up in the Santa Cruz Mountains (or down for Linnea who lives even higher up). The shop isn't very big so the audience was 35 people, practically a house concert. Very up-close and personal. Sharon & Winter & Sooj were all really on and backed each other's sets so it was half a concert fronted by Sharon and half fronted by Sooj. Lots of really great music and lots of friends attending from all over the Bay Area. The Owl Moon folks met at Scarpazzi's, a classic Italian restaurant nearby. I had vension! It was really lovely. And it is nice to be able to write about something out and about and fun.

Naturally two days later I wrenched something in my inner thigh and have been practically unable to walk all week. That is finally improving but srsly, can this aches & pain thing just stop now?

(4 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, June 17th, 2014
9:07 am - Reactions to current events, rape culture and victimhood
Toward the end of May, after Isla Vista (which felt very close to home since E&R live there and I've visited often) and in the depth of the #yesallwomen meme, I was really triggered and sat down (in the middle of the night) and wrote out a lot about my own sexual history (basically puberty to meeting Russell). I am a #yesallwomen statistic, a few times over.
cut for trigger warningCollapse )
I grew up before the craziness of modern rape culture, with date rape drugs and even more dehumanisation of women than we faced. Men thought we were lesser, were childlike compared to them (men & girls), but I do think most of them considered us the same species. Reading the comments and the What about the Menz!? comments on threads where women were discussing their pain or even in places I'd expect to be more neutral (like the Southern Poverty Law Center's article on Isla Vista) made me crazy.

And yet, sitting down and writing out my history was therapeutic. Yes, I have had some horrible experiences, but I also had some no-so-good ones, some good ones, and some great ones. And the older I've gotten the more wonderful and amazing my sex/love/relationship life has become. I am privileged to have the life I lead.

I admit I kinda keep getting re-triggered by things. Like the George Will column wherein he says women claim victimhood to gain "coveted status". (I do appreciate Dianne Feinstein and others writing to the WaPo) Or the fact that two of the women in my URI network was assaulted on a bus -- by the bus driver -- in India last week (they survived, one with two broken fingers). It seems that not a day goes by that sexual assault isn't a big topic in my world.

This is kind of rambling but it has been really up for me. Though I admit reading #survivorprivilege and #yesallwomen articles keeps it that way.

(7 comments | comment on this)

Friday, May 16th, 2014
10:28 pm - Mostly Warcraft with a side of migraine
I pretty much had a terrible week. Tuesday night Russell and I had planned to go to the movie, which we actually did ("Finding Vivian Maier" and it was a good film) but I was having auras and suspected a migraine was on the way. It was. So I spent all of Wednesday in the throes of pain, blurred, double vision and nausea. Oh joy. Now it is Friday and I am still aftermathy. Bah. My sister was diagnosed with migraines in like 2004 and they hit me regularly starting in like 2006. So even though it feels like a new thing, I guess it is almost a decade. At least they don't seem to hit very often. And I did have a handful of migraines in my earlier life. But mostly I was one of those "I never get headaches" people. Wouldn't mind being able to say that again!!

Anyway, today I was super low energy and kinda mono-maniacal. In World of Warcraft there is an achievement called "Raiding with Leashes" where you get various pets from classic dungeons. The last one I needed was from the Viscidus boss in Temple of Ahn'Qiraj. I can easily solo the first half dozen bosses in AQ, but not Viscidus and I get stuck at Twin Emperors because you really need someone to take each Emperor. Viscidus is hard because he is a slime boss that can only be killed by freezing and the two classes I mostly play - hunters and paladins - have no sufficiently frosty attacks (traps don't work on bosses). So after proving to myself that, yes, Viscidus still requires frost to kill... I went looking for a hunter pet with a frost attack. I have five max level hunters, four of whom now have Chimaera pets (two of them the rare purple Chimaera). I ran AQ on all four of them and FINALLY the stupid pet dropped. Otherwise I'd be learning a Chimaera on #5 and running them all again in four days when the lock-out expires. I know this is a crazy thing to be so over the moon about, but dammit I have been working on this achieve for MONTHS if not over a year. On to Raiding with Leashes II: Attunement Edition which collects pets from BC dungeons (and I have 3 of 10).

Also this week I finally finished Beasts of Fable. So I may not have a job or a brain or whatever. But I am a mad pet battler in WoW. At least on the days I could actually stand the light of a computer. During the migraine light wasn't in my repertoire. *sigh*

current mood: meh

(2 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, May 8th, 2014
10:46 pm - Another interfaith report :)
I went to a meeting today at the Jain Center in Milpitas. I had been there for at least one other event, but today my fellow SiVIC board member, Girish Shah, gave me a tour of their amazing temple. They had marble statues carved in India with their twenty-four known Tīrthaṅkars (leaders/prophets/role models who advanced Jainism) and various other beings who in Hinduism would be considered Gods and Goddesses but have the same name in Jainism but are considered ascended people. There is so much carved marble they had to reinforce their building to hold it. Their incense is very lovely and the temple room had a wonderful welcoming energy. This is the entryway, I didn't take any pictures of the temple itself (out of respect) but do check out the header on their web page for some statues. pictureCollapse )
The program was "Religious Education in Middle Schools: Challenges & Opportunities". We opened with introductions to the topic by Samir Kalra, a Director and Senior Human Rights Fellow for the Hindu-American Foundation and by Garth Pickett, the interfaith relations director for the regional Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I had no idea that this was an issue, being kinda a "separation of church & state" kinda gal. But the California Education Code Section 60044(a) and Subsection (b) have the purpose "The standards enable all students to become aware and accepting of religious diversity while being allowed to remain secure in any religious beliefs they may already have." Evidently teaching *about* religions helps prevent bullying and has other positive effects. Garth talked about the World Religions curriculum in Modesto (described in this Stanford study ) and various other programs around the country where the anti-bullying effect was noted. There is a bill wending its way through the legislature (SB 1057) that wants to update the content standards on what must be taught. Guess that bill is something to which I will pay attention.

Anyway, it was very well attended and provoked lively discussion and I'm glad I went.

current mood: grateful

(1 comment | comment on this)

Wednesday, May 7th, 2014
10:18 pm - Dirt: The Movie and other matters
I had a really cool evening tonight. Russell is in B'ham visiting family and, being home alone, I decided to go to a screening of _Dirt: The Movie_ at SPUR. It is narrated by Jamie Lee Curtis which was cool and featured lots of folks including Vandana Shiva, Wangari Maathai, Paul Stamets, Alice Waters and Fritjof Capra amongst many others talking about various aspects of soil. From the dustbowl and "mountain top removal" to organic farming and living roofs. SPUR now has a San Jose office (I think of it as a San Francisco based group) and I'm jazzed to know about it because they have some interesting programming. They have Wednesday lunchtime programs. If I didn't already have plans for next Wednesday I'd go to that one.

An extra bonus was my friend Stephanie turned up at the screening and I invited her home and we visited for about an hour and a half. She is also a long-term unemployed person (mechanical engineer/designer) and we commiserated and caught up on each other's lives. <3

Tomorrow I have an interfaith program at the Jain Center on _Religious Education in Middle Schools: Challenges and Opportunities_ to which I am quite looking forward. So this week, between volunteering at Abilities United, viewing Dirt and attending an interfaith forum -- I will be out and about a bit more than usual. I think I am opening to the energy of spring a bit and leaving my winter hibernation behind.

current mood: happy

(2 comments | comment on this)

Saturday, May 3rd, 2014
10:50 am - My week and manifesto
My week has been pretty good. Still no word on the possible job prospect. I had to skip my volunteer gig because I had to wait for a dishwasher repair guy. Who was supposed to arrive between 8-12 and got here at 1:30... at least I got 15% off the bill for his tardiness.

Most of the week, I beat the heat by sitting under a fan dual-boxing World of Warcraft. I can't say I accomplished anything beyond life maintenance and self-soothing. But hey, I got out of bed, didn't spend a lot of money I don't have and cooked yummy food like pot roast (local grass fed beef) in the crock pot (which puts out amazingly little ambient heat). We're back into the 70s instead of the 90s and the community Beltaine tomorrow may actually be chilly. Crazy weather.

Russell and I decided not to get up early and go to the Baylands for Morris Dancing this year. It is kinda weird not to have gone but we did have a lovely Walpurgasnacht date and were feeling the energy. *grin*

So last year a group I'm in did Trickster Beltaine pledges and I was just looking at mine to see how it manifested in my year... or not. I'm still unemployed but I do think I've been pretty centered. I think I will keep my Manifesto going for the coming year too.

Trickster Beltaine pledge - Manifesto of Dedicated Devotion
I, Rowan/Rosmairta/Rosz, am dedicated to compost past patterns and live in the most open and flexible way. I am open to the possibility of passionate vocation. I acknowledge that I have capabilities, qualities, and skills that can carry me through all my successes, disappointments, delights and traumas with aplomb and a dedication to openness, kindness and harmony.

current mood: good

(comment on this)

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014
10:28 am - Tattoos and dance
I did another run down to Santa Barbara last week to work on the tattoo. Today it is in the one week later totally itching stage. It is going to be amazing, but we surely didn't get as far as I hoped this time. The session was almost five hours though, so the longest I've ever done!

I went to a the Lumen Obscura dance festival a couple weekends ago to see my former troupe dance. There were a lot of great dance acts and I enjoyed seeing House of Inanna's Tara Devotional. The interesting thing about this festival is that it obviously has its roots in bellydance but has evolved by incorporating other dance elements and a wide variety of music. A few pix in my flickrstream at about (And yes, I do still hate the new Flickr.)

There are a few nibbles on the job front. Both part-time, from home. May these things manifest!

current mood: optimistic

(comment on this)

Saturday, April 12th, 2014
12:25 pm - My week and upcoming
It has been a pretty good week or so. I'm not sure why my mood is better but it mostly has been. I started a daily practice of stretching and singing along with music for at least five minutes (2-3 songs) a day. Gah, I really need more exercise in my life. But its a start. Our circle last night was for bringing Jupiter's bounty out of the dreaming of Pluto, jumping on the energy of the blossoming year. It was really lovely. I still can't believe I did something to my other elbow at Ostara. Having tricksy tendons is a bummer.

I continue to apply for jobs that don't ever contact me. I wonder if I'll ever feel employable again. I'm really enjoying my one day a week volunteer stint though. And since this week's jobs are mostly in San Francisco I admit to being conflicted about whether I *want* them to call me.

And I'm watching a tv show called Fringe on Netflix streaming that I'm really enjoying. I had never heard of it but Netflix recommended it and I'm at like season 4 and still totally hooked.

In just a few days I'm off to Santa Barbara for my second tattoo session with Pat Fish. I'm madly excited about it. We'll do the flowing tails of the owl phoenix this time.

Pagansing on Tuesday night before I go. My singing voice just isn't reliable since the thyroid surgery. I'm grateful that my friends still want to sing with me even in my current voice. I really value the singing and community it brings.

current mood: okay

(6 comments | comment on this)

Thursday, March 27th, 2014
11:37 pm - Mumbles about life
A friend pointed out I hadn't posted to Lj since November. I have written a couple of unposted entries for my own ranting purposes but decided not to share them. I admit it is partly facebook. I feel like the bar for a FB post is much lower than an Lj post so it is easier to pop off a sentence or two rather than making a thoughtful post. Another part is being unemployed and often feeling disabled. There isn't a lot to report.... and I don't want to whine.

I have been doing some interesting things. Since December I've been volunteering at Abilities United in Palo Alto one day a week. I'm helping organize their 30K+ photo collection using Lightroom. I'm not madly crazy about Lightroom but that was their choice and someone else had done a lot of work adding things to it before my tenure. It is nice to have one "professional" thing going beyond Adocentyn.

I'm working with Pat Fish on the phoenix tattoo on my back that I have dreamed of for 15 years. It is coming along. Another session in a couple of weeks. Probably 4 sessions to finish it. It turned out to be an owl-based phoenix which makes me wildly happy whilst also making it harder to envision how to proceed with the design. The face is a great horned owl but the body/tail is more firebird-like.

I'm back in Second Life a bit. Went to a few library things and got introduced to KittyCats breedable cats. I don't know how long I'll have SL kitties, but I'm enjoying it. Flickr is still madly broken and won't share to Lj. I hate their new look and their diminished functionality. But there are kitty pictures there.

current mood: melancholy

(2 comments | comment on this)

Monday, November 25th, 2013
1:27 pm - NAACP rally at SJSU
We got this press release at SiVIC and I agreed to head over to the event.

On Monday, November 25, 2013 at 12:00pm in front of the Tommie Smith and John Carlos statute on the San Jose State Campus, the San Jose/Silicon Valley NAACP will be joined by the California/Hawaii State Conference of the NAACP, the National Office the NAACP, San Jose State University Leadership, bay area community leaders and civil rights activists in a press conference condemning the actions of the three San Jose State Students accused of racial harassing and terrorizing a black student.

The NAACP will be calling for the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s office to increase the misdemeanor charges against the three adult accused San Jose State Students to felony charges, and to also include the charges of false imprisonment to the charges which the students currently face.

Reverend Jethroe Moore II, President of the SJ/SV NAACP said, " The community will not stand idly by and allow for any student of color to be terrorized simply due to the color of his skin. This is not simple hazing or bullying, this is obviously racially based terrorism targeted at their African American roommate. The behavior of these three students warrants nothing less than felony charges."

The NAACP will also be calling on San Jose State University Administration to conduct an thorough investigation into University Housing to determine how this situation continued for so long, and why no immediate action to rectify the situation was taken.

About two hundred people showed up to the event. Two NAACP representatives made speeches calling for the University to raise the misdemeanor charges to felony charges. The president of the University, Mohammad Qayoumi, spoke about wanting to make the campus a safe place for all students. While he was speaking students carrying signs picketed behind him demanding a chance to speak.

One of the NAACP representatives made them turn the mic back on an a student from Los Angeles shared that this recent event is part of a long history and they feel President Qayoumi has swept their concerns under the rug (and additionally has been trying to do away with the African-American Studies program).

I hope that the people who attended the rally carry on and agitate for justice for the young man who was terrorized in his own dorm room.

I spoke with several ministers who were there and with a woman from First African Methodist Episcopal Zion Church <> who wanted to know if we had African-American board members in SiVIC and said they have a history exhibit going and we should visit. Their website says nothing about that but I have a call in to the pastor asking for more information.


(2 comments | comment on this)

Friday, November 22nd, 2013
11:07 am - Another interfaith report
This morning I went to Mayor Chuck Reed's Faith Appreciation Breakfast, an annual event that brings together leaders of the San Jose Faith communities and offers a chance to recognize City/Faith community partnerships.

The Mayor had some opening remarks, commenting on how the City can try to address material needs but the faith communities address spiritual needs. The Notre Dame San Jose Chorus sang "Seasons of Love" from Rent. An Invocation was offered by Imam Tahir Anwar of the South Bay Islamic Association and Councilmember Sam Liccardo offered a reading from Matthew (about doing for the least of these you do for me).

The three projects that were highlighted were

(1) The Parent Project, a family engagement and empowerment program represented by District Attorney, Jeff Rosen. This is a project that has about a dozen parent groups (in English & Spanish with a Vietnamese language group starting after the first of the year) that work on how to help parent high risk youth. The local contact is <>. More info on the national program can be seen at <>.

(2) Housing 1000, a campaign to house homeless men and women in Santa Clara County by 2013. They would like to partner with congregations to "adopt" a homeless person and provide a support system. They also accept donations at <> and ask for donations of used furniture and kitchen and cleaning supplies to help get the newly sheltered up to speed.

(3) Mayor's Gang Prevention Task Force Faith Initiative. They are working to achieve zero gang related homicides in San Jose. Faith communities are providing community space in times of crisis and pastoral counseling to those caught in gang violence. They current have nine Chaplains have been providing "compassion, aftercare, and services to gang impacted families/ individuals and assisting residents in times of crisis and trauma". They are talking about initiating "Night Walks" such as used by Operation Ceasefire in Oakland to get people out on the street at night. <>

There were closing remarks and schmoozing. I think it was very worthwhile to attend. I believe this is the first year a Wiccan has been at the breakfast.


More pix at Flickr which is being totally awful these days.

(2 comments | comment on this)

Friday, November 8th, 2013
10:23 am - November 8th reports to NCLC
Just to keep these somewhere - not necessarily of interest to anyone else. :)

interfaith reportsCollapse )

(comment on this)

Thursday, October 31st, 2013
9:23 am - Cranky comment about library jobs

Originally uploaded by rowanf.
A part time librarian job paying $20-37 an hour had this lovely paragraph:

"Position requires prolonged sitting, standing, walking, reaching, twisting, turning, kneeling, bending, squatting and stooping in the performance of daily activities. The position also requires grasping, repetitive hand movement and fine coordination in using a computer keyboard. Additionally, the position requires near and far vision in reading written reports and work related documents. Acute hearing is required when providing phone and personal service. The need to lift, drag and push files, paper and documents weighing up to 25 pounds is also required."

Clearly, public librarianship is not a job for me, or any other disabled person. It is like they thought of any disability and made a line to cover excluding disabled people of that class.

current mood: cranky

(4 comments | comment on this)

Tuesday, October 29th, 2013
8:58 am - Benefits Exhausted

Originally uploaded by rowanf.
So I guess I'm not going down to Internet Librarian this year. I was kinda thinking I might go down for one day today. But the one day registration is $260 and I'm feeling broke. My "Exhaustion of Benefits" letter came yesterday. This is simultaneously depressing and freeing. Freeing in that I won't *have* to apply to at least 3 jobs a week and depressing that I will now be dependent on Russell. It was one thing to let him support me through grad school, that upped our family earning potential (and actual) by quite a bit. Supporting me now is just necessity. I realized that being supported make me feel like I'm not grown up. Kurt says that means I should get in touch with the young and horny part of that. LOL I love my husbands. But I hate not having any income of my own.

One interesting note about all this is that it makes me want to go out and make myself sick eating carbs. I need to find a rebellion that doesn't make me feel awful in the process. Or is that the point of such things. Since I don't suffer hangovers I don't know if people who drink as a rebellion do it to suffer too. So it is probably just as well that I'm not going to Monterey, home of Rosine's mile high cakes, because I'm pretty sure I'd have a slice of German chocolate cake for lunch.

I looked at the Santa Clara Valley volunteer website yesterday and even most of the interesting volunteer opportunities require commuting to Palo Alto. Bah. There is one that is organizing a photo collection for a disability charity that I may actually go for. One day a week might be do-able. And I love organizing people's photo collection to make them useful. I just have to learn Lightroom. That wound like a win-win, eh?

current mood: dorky

(comment on this)

Saturday, October 26th, 2013
12:55 pm - Library conference and other doings

Originally uploaded by rowanf.
So Thursday I went up to the Adocentyn Library to do an afternoon of cataloguing so I could stay over in the East Bay for a Friday conference. I finished off my own books and started on Gus's boxes. Wow, that feels like an accomplishment! I had a lovely solo dinner at the Suzette Crepe place on Solano (yay, buckwheat only crepes) and then stopped at a nail salon to get my nails redone, followed by a drink at the Ivy Room (a boring sports bar as it turns out). But hey, it was a great "me time" kind of evening. My giant air mattress blew up beautifully and I slept well. So no more worrying about where to stay when I do my two day library volunteer stints.

Friday early I headed over to the Brower Center, UC Berkeley, to a conference called, "Making it Count: Opportunities and Challenges for Library Assessment" put on by the Librarians Association of the University of California on issues in academic libraries. <> Keeping a hand in the field even if no-one seems to want to employ me.

Steve Hiller, Director of Assessment and Planning, University Libraries, University of Washington talked on Library Assessment from Measurement to Impact and Value. (Check out his library's fact sheet at <>.)

He started with a quote from J.T. Gerould of the Princeton libraries from 1906, stating that the basic questions of assessment were essentially, "Is this method the best? Is our practice adapted to secure the most effective administration? Are we up to the standard of a similar institutions?" The emphasis for the first decades of library assessment was mostly about size - how many volumes, how much growth. These are easy to collect inputs, but don't tell us what users were able to accomplish because the library exists.

So the emphasis has changed to try to capture the impact of the library on the individuals, community and organization (impact and value). Hiller mentioned he had been on the ISO committee for ISO 16439 (Methods and procedures for assessing the impact of libraries). Nothing about it on the ISO site though, under development. There is an article about it available on Emerald though that I think I'll bookmark to read later <>.

But anyway, his point was that we are moving beyond internal performance and satisfaction to advocacy to a variety of stakeholders, creating narratives. And he invited everyone to consider the August 2014 conference on library assessment in Seattle with the warning it sells out months in advance.

There was a Panel Discussion featuring Merrilee Proffitt, OCLC; Joanne Miller, California Digital Library; and Lyn Paleo, Evaluation Research and Training. I didn't take very good notes, although all three talks were interesting. The link I captured about UC libraries was <>. Looks very old school by Hiller's talk. Also I would like to read an OCLC published on archival collection assessment, co-authored by Merrilee Proffitt. <>

We broke for lunch and I had several interesting conversations with different folks. Another librarian who also had a patent background suggested I join Patent Information Users Group <>. Several people commiserated about how hard it is to find library jobs and mentioned they are often hiring MLS holders into paraprofessional positions. No librarian likes that circumstance.

I went to an interesting afternoon breakout session by Lynn Jones and Susan Edwards (UC Berkeley) called "Every number tells a story: using data to make collection decisions" about their experience with needing to close the Education and Psychology library (for seismic issues) and doing various metrics to figure out how the students and faculty of the Educations, Psychology and Social Work departments used campus libraries. It was very interesting but complicated and I don't think I can summarize it here.

The closing keynote was given by David Fetterman about his "Empowerment Assessment" ideas used by Fetterman & Associates, an international evaluation consultation firm. His idea is that assessment shouldn't stop but be used to push an organization's goals forward. He has done all kinds of cool projects and was selling his latest book, _Empowerment Evaluation in the Digital Villages: Hewlett-Packard's $15 Million Race Toward Social Justice_ about closing the digital divide. He also talked about an anti-smoking campaign for youth in Arkansas. I chatted with him a bit at the wine reception afterward. Some of his techniques reminded me of appreciative inquiry and other techniques I've learnt over the years. No jobs link on their website though. *wry grin* Or even training opportunities. I'd like to read his most recent book and also _Ethnography: Step-by-Step_. I sent samples to my phone but both are kind of expensive. I just don't have the textbook price thing down.

I also had a nice chat with Stephanie Rosenblatt of Cerritos College who had given a breakout session I had to miss. We may network some more. Yay.

After the nice (bar the grey day) wine and snacks reception on the terrace of the Brower Center I headed off to Adocentyn when I met Don & Anna and wandered down Solano to find dinner. We ended up at the Solano Grill and had a lovely dinner and conversation. Then I, predictably, grabbed some takeaway from Aangan and headed home. I had stayed late and missed the rush hour but traffic is always bad on that corridor. I need a teleporter really badly.

current mood: content

(1 comment | comment on this)

Tuesday, October 15th, 2013
4:22 pm - I also miss wearing rings

Originally uploaded by rowanf.
I am having kinda of a "dark night of the soul" lately, mostly around the confirmation of my arthritis in my hands. I always imagined that as I got into old age that I would be back in a wheelchair. I mean, I could move funny tomorrow and be back in the wheelchair. But I always envisioned myself as doing hand work - beading, painting, needlepoint, pysanky, whatever. Even with limited mobility I saw myself as creating things. I just have no vision of myself with hands that hurt all the time and don't function very well.

I have found palliatives that help. And I know that the medical world is working on tissue engineering, trying to find ways to grow cartilage to replace damaged cartilage. It may be that there is a future ahead for me that is brighter than I can currently see.

But currently I am mourning and, frankly, freaking out a bit about my future.

current mood: melancholy

(9 comments | comment on this)

Monday, October 14th, 2013
8:25 am - Muddled weekend

Originally uploaded by rowanf.
The rest of my week was rather muddled. After leaving the hand doc and having lunch I starting having auras and nausea and feared a migraine. So I headed home to my darkened room. And waited, and waited. Twenty four hours of auras and nausea later, I started to feel better. But then I slept the afternoon away. By dinner I really did feel better, but off kilter. I think the off kilter thing effected my whole weekend. :(

Saturday was the NROOGD Ingathering. I had put it in my calendar for noon and was up and packed to stay overnight in the east bay so I didn't have to drive up both days. Unfortunately, I left my cooler bag of potluck items on the chair in the kitchen. Got all the way to Marin and realized I didn't have it. Stopped to buy more food at a lovely market. Got to Deborah's with a bag of unrefridgerated food and realized I was two hours early (the meeting actually being at 2pm). She wasn't home. I sat on her steps for awhile and then just decided to head over to the East Bay to the library. If I had had the cooler bag, I could have just gone off and found a restaurant. But my "I must bring food" headset limited my choices.

So I spent the afternoon cataloguing the books I had brought to catalog at Sunday's work party. The library got pretty cold and my spoons were amazingly low. Instead of sleeping over I decided to head for home about 8pm. After an awful drive, I got home and fell in bed. Sunday I didn't have any energy at all and slept in and decided no way I was driving back to Berkeley.

I feel like the lamest thing ever. Oh well. Today (Monday) I have an interview with a recruiter so I had best get to filling out forms and getting my paperwork together. I so cannot imagine presenting well as a "go getter" today but hey, all that acting has got to come in handy sometimes.

current mood: blank

(1 comment | comment on this)

Thursday, October 10th, 2013
10:06 am - RenFaire and the week

Originally uploaded by rowanf.
Since I've gotten back from Mexico the weather here has been swinging from warm to cold to warm to cold. The cold parts definitely feed my "run away to the tropics" hunger.

Russell and I went to RenFaire on Saturday. We saw the Merry Wives of Windsor but otherwise didn't really do shows. I guess we watched Cup & Bowl whilst we ate. There seemed like there was much better food this year. I wished I'd seen the bacon wrapped asparagus spears on a stick before I bought a huge thing of bbq tri-tip (I'd've gotten a smaller thing ;). There was a booth with sweet potato fries but they turned out to be the gluteny ones (coated in flour). I ate many of them anyway and kinda paid for it. We ran into various friends just as we were leaving. But upon getting home I totally fell over and slept for hours so I think we called it right not to stay and hang with them.

Yesterday I went to see the hand specialist who gave me an occupational therapy referral and told me I should really use hot wax on my hands. So I guess I'll turn the machine on. He said there is a home ultrasound machine on Amazon too. Haven't looked yet. He thinks I'm doing the right things with compression and heat. But basically he didn't have any magic bullets (nor did I expect any).

My metadata class is still being really interesting. In watching a Tim Berners Lee TED talk that the professor had assigned, Lee mentioned a 2010 talk by Hans Rosling on the UN data on child mortality that was just fascinating and made some really excellent points about statistical modeling. I am totally going to go watch all of Rosling's other TEDs soon.

(comment on this)

> previous 20 entries
> top of page